The Batmobile

batchinese
Originally uploaded by laughograms.

The other night for the opening of Batman Begins Warners parked the Batmobile -- actually one of 8 or something they built for the movie, capable of real life speeds of 105 mph -- outside the Chinese Thetre on the handprints. Pretty cool, badass vehicle. I must say again, the Batman flick is really excellent, exciting stuff.

The antithesis, really, of Star Wars Episode III, which was eye-popping but not emotionally involving even for one second, confused, badly written, ill-conceived, just horrid, really. My 4 complaints, which I'll limit myself to because it is late, about SW3: 1. Darth Vader is shrimpy. David Prowse -- the original guy in the outfit -- stood 6'7" in his bare feet AND he was wearing platforms in Episodes IV-VI. He is just physically very imposing, even without the suit -- watch A Clockwork Orange, for example; he plays the muscleman assistant of the handicapped guy who "rescues" Alex and you will see what a big man he is, a huge part of his presence in the original trilogy. Hayden Christiansen is, by contrast, a girlie-man. I mean, when we finally get the big payoff of him in the suit, it looks like a kid in a Halloween costume. A bigger letdown than in Jedi when Luke Skywalker removes the mask of Darth Vader, whom we've all invested 6-7 hours in hating, and he looks like H.R. Puf'n'stuf. 2. Yoda. Now I have really had it with this little green bastard. He's like that friend you have who is negative all the time. "Never work will that." "Too old is he." etc. etc. So he is in a fight with the fate of the galaxy on the line with the Emperor. He dishes some serious hurt on the Emperor and takes some hits back -- and then he just bails. He just slinks away. "Failed I have," he says. I'll freakin' say you have. Now get your cowardly green ass to Dagobah and whip me up some nice hot slime-custard. 3. There is no chemistry WHATSOEVER between Anakin and Padme. They are not helped by dialogue which I would call wooden, would it not offend the trees. Seriously, the romantic dialogue in these pictures would make a 6th-grade author blush. Truly some of the worst dialogue and uninvolved, lifeless delivery ever. (And to make matters worse, Lucas even admits it, and admits he hates writing; he's got more money than Midas; can't he pay Lawrence Kasdan or Frank Darabont to get off the couch?) Inasmuch as Anakin's whole decision to go bad hinges on his romance with Padme, the hollowness of their relationship is deadly, indeed, toxic to the whole prequel trilogy. And "Annie?" Please. 4. Anakin is overhwelmed -- rightly -- with remorse when he lops off Mace Windu's hands. "What have I done?" he frets as he sinks into a chair. Moments, literally seconds later, he's kneeling at Palpatine's knees and slaughtering cute little children. Am I asking too much to see what prompts this total about-face? Are we to think that the Chosen One is so stupid and weak-willed he just falls under Palpatine's spell, just like that? 5. General Grievous. Please. Can we not come up with a real name of some kind for this bogus and undeveloped character? (Yes, I know I said four complaints but I'm rolling.) Like, I dunno, "Lieutenant Mildly Upsetting," or "Corporal Unpleasant". It reminds me of Graham Chapman as Yellowbeard, trying to come up with a cunning cover name to go with his disguise as a professor. "Professor Death! No.... Professor Rape!"

Batman on the other hand is leanly written, and where the dialogue is clunky we have Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine to the rescue, two great actors who can say more by not moving a muscle on their faces than most actors can with their whole bodies. These two imbue their supporting roles with real life, and they deliver lines -- some that in other actors' mouths would turn to ash -- with real authority -- they convince. One of the clever things about the script is the manner in which the exposition is handled -- always organically, details that could become tiresome (like, where does Batman gets his pointy ears for his headgear? Or his cool utility belt stuff?) dispatched with efficiency and in an interesting and clever way. For example, we get the whole low-down on the Batmobile and what it can do while Bruce Wayne is giving it a very excitingly-photographed test drive -- so tedium, which could and often does settle like a shroud over such scenes, never gets the chance to. Christian Bale was an inspired choice to play Batman. The action sequences, particularly the rooftop car chase through Gotham City (a recognizable Chicago, actually) is so much fun you'll be amazed. I can't remember the last time I was anticipating a stunt and saying no... freakin'... WAY!...

And it even has a shot I had hoped for ever since I moved to Chicago almost 10 years ago -- Batman perched on one of those crazy gothic towers which dot the Loop. It's enormously entertaining and very intelligent. The only bad reviews I have read seem to have a problem with the grim seriousness of it all, somehow having got the idea that the repulsive campiness which had infested the last several incarnations of Batman had anything to do with the character. He's a dark character with dark origins and dark and complex motivations and he's on a dark quest, and Chris Nolan manages to have fun with it for all that. And it has just about the most kickass car you will ever see.